I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
one might say we're banned from that church
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
