Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize