Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
