so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize