o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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