nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
