Pappa wants mamma naked
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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