Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
