I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize