dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
