I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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