Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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