the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
