I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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