Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize