Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
