btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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