my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
