I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
