Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
