At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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