People with herpes should wear stickers.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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