Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
