i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
