I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
