at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
