Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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