I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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