Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
