You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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