I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize