We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
