Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's Friday. Sex?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
