my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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