I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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