you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
