At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize