it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She even gives head with a lisp.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
