I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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