My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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