Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
