I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
