I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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