The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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