You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
