Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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