New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
