I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
