I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
