They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
