We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Come share oat with me in your robe
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
