bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
