I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
