Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
