So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
