no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
