i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
