Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
