Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
