Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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