he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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