oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I checked into jail on foursquare
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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