It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
