I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize