anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
