dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
