her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
