Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
