Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
