Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
