Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
