Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
