I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize