I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
