You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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