just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
