ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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