Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize