my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
