I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
