Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
