ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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