I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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