I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
