to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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