reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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