are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
