Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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