Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
