the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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