I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
