I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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