you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
