i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize