My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
