the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
