guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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