You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
