so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
