guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will pee on everything he values.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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