i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
