Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
