you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
