I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize