apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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