I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
