i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You left your phone here
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