BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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